Its been a little while since my last post and whilst not a huge amount has changed (I'm still enormously pregnant!) he is still managing to be a complete ass!
I am now totally convinced that there is nothing wrong with him other than the fact he is spineless and cruel. Yesterday I received a letter from his solicitor stating that if I don't include his surname in the babies surname then he will get an order from the court meaning that I have to change his name regardless of what I put on his birth certificate, so really, what choice do I have?!! I either relent or spend stupid amounts of money on legal fees fighting for my sons name and dealing with the stress and animosity that goes with it, all the while having to let him into my house to see his son, because again that is another issue that by law I have no choice over. What he has done has no bearing at all! And it stinks...
And he has chosen to do this now. I am 38 weeks pregnant with his first child and all he can think about, yet again, is how this affects him. He left and now what I see that all the connection he has left is his name. So let him have it, I have everything else. My children will live with me, I am the primary carer and they will be raised my way with my values. And when he is old enough to understand what his father did, I will not be lying to him, and he can make his own decision as to what he thinks of his father. I refer to him as his father as he will never have the bond to be his 'Daddy', and that was his choice.
So currently, the 3 people that live in my house will have different surnames (Carter, Walters-Carter and Ridgway-Carter) which is just ridiculous! Hence I am once again changing my surname! No more double barrel names for me...going forward I will be Miss Natalie Carter and this is how it will have to remain with my children as 'Carter' and 'Ridgway-Carter'. But changing my name is becoming like second nature to me and I have been Natalie Carter before so here we go again!!
In a strange way, as I have no choice and have had to make a decision, it feels better to have it sorted before the baby is born. One other thing I have decided is that I will not be waiting, as originally decided, to file for divorce. I have asked my solicitor today to go ahead and file...who knows maybe he'll receive the papers on the day his son is born...ironic!