Thursday, 19 July 2012

Enough already...

As I said to a friend this morning, its time to stop ranting!! I accept that a good rant can be therapeutic, but it gets tiresome even for the person doing the complaining! I realise I have plenty to bitch about but really how is it helping?!!

I think its about how you look at it all...perspective. Everybody has their own issues, their own problems, and when its your own, its hard. Standing outside looking in and advising someone on their stuff is easy, it doesn't directly affect you. Dealing with your own in a way that moves you forward and remaining positive about it is what is so hard. People describe it as being strong. I disagree, its not being strong, its just coping the best way you know how to. If it comes over as strength, then so be it, but its just not collapsing under circumstances that one is living within, often because crumbling is not an option.

I truly believe that women have to be 'stronger' than men. Women as a species have more to deal with and are innately more able to deal with strife and difficult circumstances, whether in a relationship or alone. Within the last 50 years, women's roles have changed so dramatically and are now so varied that coping with the different stresses life holds, whether it is career, motherhood, relationships, financial stability, they are all things that we have to cope with constantly. We don't have the luxury of being able to 'check out', something that men do have the choice of. Men can choose one thing, often career or work, and no responsibility. And even if they take on responsibility, they can choose to walk away, and from those I know of and from talking to other women, walking away happens a lot.

And this is something else that I think is a modern phenomenon. Even 20-30 years, the idea of a man walking out on his family and responsibilities would have been so abhorrent that the idea would have been enough to deter it happening. These days, it is so much more socially acceptable that it is almost accepted. How can this be right??? Is this progress??? Its so easy to give up and leave, and the women are left to pick up the pieces.

Although it may not sound like it, I'm not bitter. I just think it is not fair! Why is there not more accountability for it all?

Ok, so if you have read my earlier blog posts you will know that this obviously post is relevant to what is happening in my life, but it had happened to so many women around me that I wanted to highlight it. The answers escape me, and the audacity of the situation just becomes more and more extreme. Alright, so maybe I am a little bitter, but who wouldn't be?!!

Thursday, 12 July 2012

I swear, its like a flamin' soap opera!!

Its been a little while since my last post and whilst not a huge amount has changed (I'm still enormously pregnant!) he is still managing to be a complete ass!

I am now totally convinced that there is nothing wrong with him other than the fact he is spineless and cruel. Yesterday I received a letter from his solicitor stating that if I don't include his surname in the babies surname then he will get an order from the court meaning that I have to change his name regardless of what I put on his birth certificate, so really, what choice do I have?!! I either relent or spend stupid amounts of money on legal fees fighting for my sons name and dealing with the stress and animosity that goes with it, all the while having to let him into my house to see his son, because again that is another issue that by law I have no choice over. What he has done has no bearing at all! And it stinks...

And he has chosen to do this now. I am 38 weeks pregnant with his first child and all he can think about, yet again, is how this affects him. He left and now what I see that all the connection he has left is his name. So let him have it, I have everything else. My children will live with me, I am the primary carer and they will be raised my way with my values. And when he is old enough to understand what his father did, I will not be lying to him, and he can make his own decision as to what he thinks of his father. I refer to him as his father as he will never have the bond to be his 'Daddy', and that was his choice.

So currently, the 3 people that live in my house will have different surnames (Carter, Walters-Carter and Ridgway-Carter) which is just ridiculous! Hence I am once again changing my surname! No more double barrel names for me...going forward I will be Miss Natalie Carter and this is how it will have to remain with my children as 'Carter' and 'Ridgway-Carter'. But changing my name is becoming like second nature to me and I have been Natalie Carter before so here we go again!!

In a strange way, as I have no choice and have had to make a decision, it feels better to have it sorted before the baby is born. One other thing I have decided is that I will not be waiting, as originally decided, to file for divorce. I have asked my solicitor today to go ahead and file...who knows maybe he'll receive the papers on the day his son is born...ironic!