Monday, 23 April 2012

Making baby steps...

So I'm not going to pretend that the last couple of weeks have been easy. This has been one of the hardest times of my life. My son is so confused as to where his step-father has gone and asks questions a lot. All I can do is reassure him that the reason he went was nothing to do with him and that Mummy loves him a lot and I am never going anywhere.

I thought he was doing fine, then he punched someone at school because 'he felt cross and he didn't know why'. I was devestated and despise my husband for putting us through this, still with no explanation and no regard for how this has affected my son. Not once has he asked how his unborn child is, all he has been interested in is getting his belongings and the f#*@ing duvet that he keeps asking for! I could gladly punch him in the snoz for the pain he has caused to us and the complete lack of care.

I have been astonished how many women have been through the same thing. One friend had her husband leave her whilst she was in labour with their second child! What the hell is wrong with these men???

Being 27 weeks pregnant, I am finding all this harder than normal, but the one thing I am really concerned about is the amount of anger I am carrying around with me. It can't be healthy for my unborn son and I have no idea how to expend it? I can't go boxing or go for a run or do something aggressive to get it out, so what do I do? The stress of what has been happening seems to be causing a LOT of Braxton Hicks and they are getting stronger by the day. Its alarming.

All I can do at the moment is continue to function. Get up, take son to school, go to work, prepare for the birth of his little brother, talk and try and reassure him, and me, and so the cycle continues. Its a grind, but we will win...

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